Gimme a Break

Ya know, some people need re"ass"urance and some just know you're there.
Some people get mad when you don't call them every day and some just don't care.

Needy people piss me off. I have no time patience to be coddling you.
I wish I could do what you want, but I have more important things to do.

Don't take it personally when I don't call you right back.
Sometimes I just don't feel like talking, but I'll get back on track.

If you are disappointed by not hearing from me, I understand.
But don't be mad at me for not holding your hand.

I wish I could make you happy but that is not my job.
You need to do that for yourself don't make me feel like a slob.

This was initially a rant that I felt needed to be aired.
Turned into a poem, who knew I was so damn prepared.

:)
Consider this my St. Paddy's Day Limerick for ya.

The grass is always greener...

My daughter wishes so badly she was older. She is torn between still wanting things done for her yet wanting to be independent of me...I don't blame her.

I on the other hand, wish I was a kid again. I wish I was carefree, bill-free, worry-free, free to be. Watching her struggle with her independence only makes me feel sorry for her. She doesn't know yet what it's like to not be able to pay a bill, to worry about sickness and death. To wonder what steps you could have taken to make it turn out differently. And I can't tell her. She must learn all this for herself. THAT is hard for me to deal with.

She thinks I don't understand. Oh! But I do. I understand it well. I have been 5 years old. She has never been 37.

I have been to the place on my mother's lap where safety isn't just a thought, it's a constant. I know what it's like to be in kindergarten for the first time wondering what my mother was doing while I was away. I know of scraped knees and bruised egos.

She thinks I don't get it.

She wants to be a drumming veterinarian when she grows up. She will have a parrot in her waiting area and I will be answering the phones and calling the pets in at their turn. On the weekends, she will practice the drums for the pets she takes home to care for...I want those things for her too...

But, I know life's twists and turns may lead her in many directions before she settles on one thing focus. I watch her make decisions, I see her challenge herself many times a day. I know she is on her way to all that her dreams may lead her.

I wish I was there again. Not just with her, guiding her. But for myself. I wish the doors were opened in all directions letting the possibilities in from all sides. I wish I had some of it to do over again. I wish I had my mothers lap to sit on just one more time.

But I do have my daughter. I have her waiting to play 'Candy Land' with me. I have her watching as I sew the holes in her stuffed "patients". I have her comfortably on my lap, talking to me like she knows she can. Sharing the ups and downs of five. Wishing for a moment we were in each other's shoes, then stepping back and enjoying the right now. Because we'll never have this moment again.

If only she knew

If only she knew that when I lose my patience, it's not at her..it's at regret, at fear, at doubt.

If only she knew that I hold her back not because she'll hurt herself, but because seeing her suffer is a pain I can not bear.

If only she knew the fears I carry deep in my heart that I long to protect her from, only stops me from being the best I can be.

If only she knew how I've changed my life for her well being.

If only she knew how pride, love, joy, and treasure doesn't even begin to explain what I feel for her.

If only she knew that I am just as scared as she is.

If only she knew that I'm making ALL of this up as I go along.

If only she knew that even when I am scolding her, I am laughing inside at how resourceful she is with the toothpaste, how clever she is for dressing the dog in a tutu, and how artistic she is even when her paints get on my walls.

If only she knew that most of my yelling stems from fear and grief.

If only she knew my love is endless, boundless, limitless even when I am angry and screaming.

If only she knew how hard I work to show her that she is loved and so needed.

If only she knew the joy she brings me, even in my darkest days and my most helpless moments.

If only she knew....If only she knew.

Just Poetik

So iPhone has this app. where you can create your own poems using Shakespeare's words. I love it.

And I wrote this in the throes of an almost 5 year old tantrum.

Yes, I was actually playing with it while she was screaming and kicking and thrashing about.

Not bad huh?

Yeh, she calmed down. Eventually. But she is having a hard time of this growing up thing. Me too.

'Create' by Fa

We've been at it again..This time Fa is the Arteest on display.

Care Bear Art
7/08

Bird
7/08



Butterfly
7/08

Papa
7/08

RT
6/08

Those were some of my faves.

She's come a long way...

Mommy Jumping Rope
8/24/06

I'm showing off again.

We made cards for the pro for his birthday. (And the cake, I know. You can't stand my talents.)

He took Fa's to work with him...Mine are still here...hmmm...

But I'll show you.

This is the inside. It's pop-up.



Why are they not at work with him too?
I guess I know where I stand.

I'm so talented

Celebrating the Pro's birthday was fun. He enjoyed his present: 'Landscaping done for him until the end of the summer'. He said it was the best present he's ever gotten. Yay me.

I got brave and I actually tried to bake a cake. A real one. From a box. But nonetheless edible and frosted.

See:

Nom Nom Nom

Way better than last year's Birthday Blunder which started out alright:



But ended up looking like frosted crap.

Atrocious.

And since I had a whole entire year to contemplate my baking errors...I got creative.

I know. I know. You are amazed at my bakin' skillz.

He was too.

I am even quite the resourceful one when I can't find a piping head that works with the crap-tastic red piping that I bought without reading the label. It was missing a plastic head that piped out the red frosting in a thick tube to make the baseball stitiching...So what did I do you ask?

Thank goodness Fa takes her meds from a spoon now. Looks like something from a horror movie.

Should I start a business? Heh Heh.