But they do help in the early detection of breast cancer. So I go for them every year. Sonograms too. Those, I think I hate worse.
I've been going for 10 years now. I started at 30 because my mother passed away from breast cancer when I was 17. 23 years ago. 23. Years. Ago.
I'm living longer without her than I lived with her in my life.
There was a time when I was younger. 17, 18 ish. That I wanted to die. To be with her. (Kinda thinking was warped I know.) So I never performed breast self checks, or anything. I didn't care. That truly lasted til' I turned 30 when my gynie insisted I go for my very first mammogram due the the family history and all.
I cried during the entire process. (theres an ongoing theme in my life) AND I made my husband/boyfriend at the time go with me. Literally, in the waiting rooms where men weren't allowed and all. I was petrified. I insisted he be there.
All was fine, and I was literally forced to go yearly. I didn't care. I didn't want to go.
Then, I had my daughter.
It all changed from there.
I was obsessed with my boobies. Grabbing and checking and feeling like a freak. In the shower, out. In bed, getting dressed, undressed. I'd even make my husband feel once in a while to see if I was imagining things.
I didn't want to leave her like I was left. (Another psychological carnival, I know)
But eventually I learned that feeling once a month was okay to do. So I do. And if I feel something, my doctor makes me go for a mammo/sono even if it's not time. He's very sympathetic and I heart him.
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I try to make the best of it because even though I'm getting better at accepting the loss of my mother, I still get very anxious at the diagnostic center. I wear my gown like a cape, I ask about what they do with women with big, hanging boobies, I even ask to see the images and make them explain everything they're doing. Even though I've heard it all before. And I "criggle". I cry and giggle mostly the entire time.
But I do it.
I do it for my daughter.
I do it for myself.
I do it for my husband.
I do it for my family.
I do it because I want to be proactive with my health. I want to know what's going on in my body.
So, I suggest you do it too.
And ask the technicians what they do with women with big, pendulous breasts. Unless of course you are one of those women. Then tell me what happens to you. or....Tell me the reaction you get. Because they laugh like crazy when I ask.
