Saturday, December 20, 2008

December 20th

I can't believe I have a five year old daughter.

It seems like just yesterday she was born.

Now, I'm filling out the paperwork for kindergarten.

How fast does it go, really?

It's been over a month since I've put words to posts here at this blog, and it feels like I was just here yesterday. I miss you all.

In coming back, I find that one very good blogging friend is expecting her third child.


My other very good blogging friend Margaret had a baby on the 17th. I've heard all about her journey from the day she found out she was having this beautiful boy, through some trying and scary stuff and now he's here.

I have hardly any advice for her. Just enjoy each and every moment like it is your last.

I spent the first 3 and a half years wishing my daughter would be old enough to understand. Wishing that the infant would stop crying. Wishing she would grow up. Now, she understands more than I thought possible and I feel I've lost some precious moments in my urge to rush.

She is very excited to be five. But in that excitement and maturity comes understanding. And she says she will miss having someone to "take care" of her. (Like I would ever stop doing that.) She says she worries that I will go to heaven like my mother did to me and she will be a young child, Motherless.

She is way to young to be worried about that stuff. And I have made her worry.

Yes, I have been honest with her about everything and told her all I can regarding her questions about life and love and loss. But she is smart. She puts stuff together that most 5 year olds don't. And I am left once again with guilt.

I know she is just starting to understand and it will all come clear to her one day. But my heart. It hurts for her. Her innocence lost. The time I rushed. The time wasted by wishing it away. Time WE will not get back.

Now here she is. Five. Ready to start her journey of independence. Questioning her role, but loving life. I see me in her. I see myself in her a lot. In the way she looks. Her actions. Her words.

And I want to instill in her the power to trust herself. I am still learning that. I hope we can learn together.

I asked her what her favorite part about being four was. She said she liked when I helped her clean her room. What kid says that?

I asked her what she was looking forward to at five. She wants to be a veterinarian. I love that about her. Time is no concept. And she is confident that whatever she wants she will get. It will not be given to her per se, but she will get it on her own.

She is confident. I love that. That helps her to forgive. Because she knows she is loved. And all you need is love.

I could have a total screaming fit at her for something so silly and in a moment, she has forgotten my madness. Time. Heals all wounds. For some faster than others. For her in an instant. For me, a little longer.

However, this time I have learned. Not to rush anything. And I am enjoying each and every moment of five that I can. I'll never have it again.

I will take this time to savor each flavor of five. The bad times and the overwhelming good times. The tears and the belly laughs.

I am so lucky to have this little girl in my life and I will not let that get passed me. Ever.

So today, I share five with all of you. I hope as a gift to my daughter, you take this moment to hug your children no matter how old. Or how young. Hug your parents, hug your partner, hug yourself.

Understand that time doesn't stop. Time will pass as our lives pass in the blink of an eye. Don't rush it and enjoy it. Envelop your time and keep your time precious in the folds of your soul. It's all we have. Time and Love.

Savor it.

All my love chelle...

I love you all.

Margaret, my dear friend enjoy this time. I wish I could be there to hug you.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl. You are my most precious gift. I'm sorry I will hug you too much today. But you will understand one day. I promise.


  1. You are right, it does move very, very fast. Enjoy it and give those hugs while they still want them.

    Happy bday!

  2. my youngest is 8 and my oldest is 18..this post made me cry! My best friend also just gave birth to her first child yesterday (my husband and I fixed her up with her husband) and strolling down the maternity ward and seeing all the newborns had me doubled over in the bathroom - appreciating what i have but mourning that time of "firsts."
    Your daughter is a lucky girl!


  3. Happy Birthday, Fa!:)

    JJ, when my youngest turned five, it was so difficult for me as well. Sad and exciting all at the same time. I was sad when I realized that his baby book was all full....and I was excited by all of the amazing things that he (and I) had to look forward to in his life.

    Time does by so fast. Thanks for this reminder to hold onto those that we hold dear.

    (((BIG HUGS!)))
    God Bless,

  4. Happy Birthday, Fa!
    Don't feel bad that she worries about's actually really common at that age. I had certainly never said anything to my son about death or dying, and around 4 1/2 to 5, he started asking if I was going to die, if his father was going to die, what would he do if we died, etc...maybe there's some hard-wired awareness of mortality that they start to understand when they're old enough to understand other things. Anyway, I hope she has a great birthday!

  5. Love ya JJ.

    Thank you for your notes. I am trying to enjoy every second of this. I can't believe how fast these few days have gone....

    To Fa - Happy birthday to a sweet, beautiful girl. You will do fabulous in kindergarten!

    To JJ - You are an amazing mom. I hope you know that.

    Love y'all.

  6. I'm glad to hear you are remembering to stay in the moment. how fast they grow!

  7. Happy Belated to Fa.....Time does fly, but you know to enjoy it! I wish I had done more enjoying with my own sons.

    Happy Holidays!

  8. Sure you leave me then come back and make me cry!!!

    I am in awe that she has turned five. That means I have about 6 months. Till mine turns five and I am so not ready.

    I love that you have learned so much and you seem so calm and passionate.

    Miss you.
    Merry Christmas!

  9. Yes, time flies. I can't believe it sometimes. Once my kids started school, the years just kind of started melting away.

    Happy Birthday, little one! Enjoy!

  10. Happy Belated Birthday to Fa!!!!

    This is absolutely fantastic. I don't know that I've ever read a post that was more "from the heart" than this one.

  11. Five? How? Holy crap!

    I hope you had a wonderful and amazing Christmas season with your big girl!


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