I can't believe I have a five year old daughter.
It seems like just yesterday she was born.
Now, I'm filling out the paperwork for kindergarten.
How fast does it go, really?
It's been over a month since I've put words to posts here at this blog, and it feels like I was just here yesterday. I miss you all.
In coming back, I find that one very good blogging friend is expecting her third child.
My other very good blogging friend Margaret had a baby on the 17th. I've heard all about her journey from the day she found out she was having this beautiful boy, through some trying and scary stuff and now he's here.
I have hardly any advice for her. Just enjoy each and every moment like it is your last.
I spent the first 3 and a half years wishing my daughter would be old enough to understand. Wishing that the infant would stop crying. Wishing she would grow up. Now, she understands more than I thought possible and I feel I've lost some precious moments in my urge to rush.
She is very excited to be five. But in that excitement and maturity comes understanding. And she says she will miss having someone to "take care" of her. (Like I would ever stop doing that.) She says she worries that I will go to heaven like my mother did to me and she will be a young child, Motherless.
She is way to young to be worried about that stuff. And I have made her worry.
Yes, I have been honest with her about everything and told her all I can regarding her questions about life and love and loss. But she is smart. She puts stuff together that most 5 year olds don't. And I am left once again with guilt.
I know she is just starting to understand and it will all come clear to her one day. But my heart. It hurts for her. Her innocence lost. The time I rushed. The time wasted by wishing it away. Time WE will not get back.
Now here she is. Five. Ready to start her journey of independence. Questioning her role, but loving life. I see me in her. I see myself in her a lot. In the way she looks. Her actions. Her words.
And I want to instill in her the power to trust herself. I am still learning that. I hope we can learn together.
I asked her what her favorite part about being four was. She said she liked when I helped her clean her room. What kid says that?
I asked her what she was looking forward to at five. She wants to be a veterinarian. I love that about her. Time is no concept. And she is confident that whatever she wants she will get. It will not be given to her per se, but she will get it on her own.
She is confident. I love that. That helps her to forgive. Because she knows she is loved. And all you need is love.
I could have a total screaming fit at her for something so silly and in a moment, she has forgotten my madness. Time. Heals all wounds. For some faster than others. For her in an instant. For me, a little longer.
However, this time I have learned. Not to rush anything. And I am enjoying each and every moment of five that I can. I'll never have it again.
I will take this time to savor each flavor of five. The bad times and the overwhelming good times. The tears and the belly laughs.
I am so lucky to have this little girl in my life and I will not let that get passed me. Ever.
So today, I share five with all of you. I hope as a gift to my daughter, you take this moment to hug your children no matter how old. Or how young. Hug your parents, hug your partner, hug yourself.
Understand that time doesn't stop. Time will pass as our lives pass in the blink of an eye. Don't rush it and enjoy it. Envelop your time and keep your time precious in the folds of your soul. It's all we have. Time and Love.
All my love chelle...
I love you all.
Margaret, my dear friend enjoy this time. I wish I could be there to hug you.
Happy Birthday Baby Girl. You are my most precious gift. I'm sorry I will hug you too much today. But you will understand one day. I promise.