Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Crap

Today was the last day of school. My girl is moving up to bigger and better things.

I'm watching my little girl grow into this little person. A person with thoughts, feelings, opinions (some I may like, some not so much) and choices.

Where did she come from?

I'm feeling very melancholy today.

I am so proud of her (and me) yet so sad that my little girl is changing. She'll always be my baby but I see her leaning more and more towards independence. I am witnessing her shift between needing me and not needing me so much and her being scared because she doesn't need me as much anymore. And I am on the sidelines cheering her on, while silently mourning the loss of my baby.

This dichotomy in motherhood is agonizing.

I want her to succeed in everything she tries, but I want her to always need to have me around.

Then, I worry that needing me too much will be devastation for her if some day I can't be there for her.

How do we face these things head on?

How do we let them know that they are capable of it all, when you are not so sure of that yourself?

My heart breaks just a little today.

One of the many times it will shatter just a little for my girl.

This gig is damn hard some days.

11 comments:

  1. sigh. i know the feeling.

    the successful parent watches as the baby bird flies from the nest, an independent being with a life to live.

    and then we weep.

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  2. Amen! My little one will be in kindergarten in the fall and while it makes me happy to see them growing in to this amazing big kids, it freaks me out at the same time.

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  3. She'll always need you...always

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  4. being a mom really is the hardest thing ever...my gremlin# 2 starts highschool in the fall and I am really having a hard time with it.

    Hang in there!!!

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  5. HUGS!
    BIG HUGS!
    So hard to watch them grow. You do right by her.

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  6. These bigger kids? They really seem to come from out of nowhere. And you face the times head on....one day at a time. My heart still breaks on a regular basis, and I imagine it always will!

    -dsb-

    email

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  7. i wish I had something inspirational to say. But i don't. Everything I type sounds so trite and ...well....dumb.

    So - big hugs to you my friend!

    Does Fa start kindergarten in the fall? If so, we will have to share stories - my nephew does too! (god help the teacher)

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  8. I know exactly how you feel. People are pushing me to send the Queen to preschool in the fall, but I want one more year. She would probably be fine - she's much more independent than I ever was. I cried all the way through her dance recital because she was so grownup and enjoying herself so much, and I had it brought home to me with a vengeance that she wasn't my baby anymore. We'll all have to stick together and support each other. It's a side effect of mothering I wasn't looking for, at least not so soon.

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  9. Oh I KNOW! I had a dream last night about Carson going to preschool and becoming his OWN person.

    Actually it was more of a nightmare than a dream.

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  10. It may not always seem like it, but she will always need you.

    Deep down, I think you know that.

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