...At least that's what I think.
But then again, I need a break.
Don't get me wrong, Fa loves school too. Should I be offended that she runs right into the classroom to play with her friends and ignores the likes of me?
I leave feeling a little deflated, but so proud of her independence. It's all I could ask of her, really.
Strange dichotomy isn't it?
Wanting her to love it so much and feel comfortable enough to let go. But then, wanting her to need me just a little longer.
You can't have it both ways I'm afraid.
This weekend she had her first sleepover at her grandmother's house. With her cousins. All girls. (Poor woman.)
Fa enjoyed herself so much that she; a) didn't want to leave and b) wanted to have "another sleepover next weekend"...Hello? Wanna know what I did during the sleepover?
I missed her. I stressed. I hyperventilated a bit.
Well, The Pro and I did have a very nice "date". That was one good thing. It was really nice to reconnect again. I love our dates. They are always so much fun. And I start to feel like we're on the 'same page' again after some time of reading two different books.
I got drunk, of course.
Then I woke up at 6am ready to go and pick her up.
Not reasonable, I know. But I was missing her terribly. And I couldn't breath all that well.
She didn't even ask to call us.
And when we got there, she seemed, well...disappointed. Damn it.
But my Dad gave me a really good pep talk. He said that's what I want. I want to see her strong and independent. He said "You know, you have to let go."
I know it.
But it's so hard.
How did he do it? He seemed quite good at it, honestly.
I feel by letting go it's making her stronger and more self sufficient. But in the same breath, by letting her go, my heart breaks into shards each time I see her leave. Even if for just a little while. It's a sign of the future. Having to let go. For good.
My aching heart.
Is school the precurser to and independant life for her, or for me?