Monday, December 28, 2009

Who? Me? *a rant*

I have a 6 year old.

How did that happen?

Where did it all go?

She is loving kindergarten. I am hating work.

She has friends and fun and enjoys playing with the babysitter. She enjoys the after school program.

I am missing it all.

Work sucks. (How true)

I hate it. I feel guilty that my students have a teacher that truly doesn't care. I hate being their teacher. I hate working. It takes me away from being a mommy.

I hate not being there for her when she gets out of school. I hate not being able to take her to school in the morning.

Why can't I get it right?

No matter what happens, I'm complaining.

2009 sucked.

2010 doesn't promise to be any better.

When do I stop wishing it all away? ... Only to be wishing it right back again after I've realized what I've missed.

When will I learn?

I am so proud of my daughter for rockin' kindergarten from day one. She worries about me. She asks how my students were...every day. She wonders if I am doing okay.

I am making her crazy with worry about me.

How terrible.

But do I change. Of course not. I'm not happy unless I'm miserable.

I'm writing every word down for my daughter so she one day will understand. She reads now.

She's capable of reading this blog. But she in so NOT capable of understanding. Yet.

One day.

She'll understand.

Then will it all make sense? To me?


  1. Hey! I was so happy to see a post from you. I hear you on the work thing. Believe me I do. It does suck and I wish there was some alternative. Unfortunately for me there is none. I continually tell myself it's what I must do FOR MY FAMILY! and that enables me to keep on keepin on.
    I hope you'll be able to do the same. I know. It's never easy.
    Fa knows you love her and that you're doing all that you can.

  2. Hey Sweetie! Nice to have you back! The Queen just spent her first semester in kindergarten as well. I was NOT working - still at home with DeBoy. But it still sucks. She LOVES LOVES LOVES it. But she comes home with all kinds of crap that I'd as soon she didn't learn. The librarian thought it appropriate for library time to show kindergartners "Chronicles of Narnia." Sheesh. And some of the attitude she has picked up from her classmates is appalling. But we just try to deal with it. Hang in there.

  3. Wish I could give you peace on this subject. Your worries are so out of proportion. Just by what you say she is a normal happy and contented six year old.

    How do we encourage you to find normal happy and content in your roll?

    I'm going to keep you in my heart and pray that you find the pleasure to thrive in all your titles (mother, teacher, etc) in 2010.

    Blessings on you and your little munchkin!

  4. aww girl. I am sorry you are feeling so unhappy. Do you have to keep working? Can you volunteer at her school instead?

    Hang in there. I know this year has been tough but you have to be doing something right...your daughter is beautiful, confident and loving school.

    Becs started school and I am a nervous nelly over it. I feel like I haven't prepared her enough. We all have our fears.

  5. I've been thinking about you quite a bit lately.

    I'm sorry this is isn't working for you. I wish I knew how to make it all work.

  6. Oh, honey. We all feel that way from time to time, at least. I am truly sorry you aren't able to do without the job, because I know SAHM is something you are truly gifted at and love beyond measure. Hopefully it will be a reality again soon?

    Happy New Year!

  7. Many hugs! It's something I've struggled with, too, so know that you're not alone. Maybe you can look at how good it is that Fa sees how hard you work to make things good for your family. That's a great example. Hopefully it won't be long before you have the life you want! Thinking of you ....

  8. Sorry you are feeling down. I remember feeling that way when I was working. ((hugs))

  9. Very nice write up, easy to understand and straight to the point...


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